It doesn’t come to much of a surprise for those who know me that I can get quite anxious about finances. I like to have a safety net of money, which I like to call “just in case”. I feel like if I have the safety net money around me, then I can do whatever I need to do.
However, I also need money to spend: on travel, on eventually renting my own place, on a wedding, on moving abroad, on studying and doing a masters abroad, on food and electricity… the list is never ending.
It’s basically impossible for me to scrounge up all that money alone. And today I was speaking with a friend of mine, who made me realise something – that I can lean on my partner. My partner is definitely going to earn more money than I could ever hope for (at least until I do my masters), and they have offered time and again to help pay for my expenses. Which is something always vehemently opposed. Getting money was my responsibility, they should just focus on their own expenses.
So my friend made me aware of something – that I need to trust my partner to provide for me as well. I am dependent enough of them to rely on them for comfort, for love and support, and I’m taking a big risk to move abroad with them.
“So if you’re taking the risk and jumping into the ocean for them, why not let yourself be blindfolded?”
To be blindfolded means that I would really and truly be trusting my partner, that they would provide for me no matter what, that they wouldn’t use me and kick me to the curb. These are all things I know to be true, but I never had the strength to show it in practical terms.
So this is going to be what I shall work on – I am going to let myself be semi-financially dependent on my partner.
I am going to be let myself be blindfolded.