Share, the antidote to Shame

Share, the antidote to Shame

What I love about my job is the amount of training I can go on. Training lets me learn new things, develop new tools, listen to experiences, and of course, network with other professionals.

Since I have the attention span of a carrot, it’s rare to find a speaker who can grasp my attention for a full ten minutes – and I’m so glad this guy did.

“What letter do I need to change in the word ‘Shame’, which would make shame go away?”

Our speaker asked…

People started scratching their heads, throwing out answers (which did not involve actually changing a letter, but I guess it was quite late on a Tuesday afternoon … and after so many workshops, we were all too tired).

“Change the ‘m'”, I mumbled to myself, “change ‘m’ to ‘r’ and you get ‘share'”. Again, it was too late on a Tuesday afternoon for me to feel like engaging.

Finally, ,someone said it, they replied that the way to deal with shame is to speak about it. Our speaker was elated, replying that yes, sharing is how we can help clients deal with their issues of shame.

But isnt’t that counterproductive? If I have shame to speak about something, how can I possibly share it?

 

Well, that’s the trick in reality. We give power to certain things… and they really don’t deserve to have this power. Let me explain.

If I shame regarding an aspect of myself – such as my gender or sexual orientation (ie. something I have no control over, and cannot change). If I don’t talk about it, my shame gets worse. I will feel that if people knew, they would judge me (after all, isn’t this the reason for shame? feeling judged and unwanted for something?).

And what happens when we hide such fundamental parts of our personality, for fear of judgement? We end up hiding other things – things we like or enjoy, because we feel that our loved ones will ‘figure it out’.

But what happens when I do talk about it? When I feel so safe with someone, so close and intimate with them, that I can tell them about my genuine self?

Well, when the person acts so loving about what I have shared, so non-judgementally, then that is when my shame will go away. I will realise that I was being ignorant for assuming that my loved ones would hate me, and that it was something to be ashamed about.

 

So what is the antidote to shame? SHARE!

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Goodbye (Very) Old Friend

Goodbye (Very) Old Friend

Today is both a sad day and one of celebration and empowerment – for two different reasons.

A sad day because one of our historic gems has fallen, and while it could not be prevented due to natural detioration, I’m sure it wasn’t helped when people kept on climbing on top of it…or detonating bombs beneath.

 

For those who are not based on the Maltese Islands, the Azure Window is one of the best things on the Island of Gozo. It was used as a backdrop of various movies, including Clash of Titans:

 

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And Game of Thrones:

 

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But last night, due to the high winds and force of the sea, the Azure Window fell…

 

But on a brighter note – today is also Women’s Day and thus also a day of celebration.

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Women of all shapes and forms, from all backgrounds, should be celebrated for their achievements – which unfortunately are commonly disregarded.

So happy women’s day, and not just for our cis-ters!

And here is a photo of the azure window, which I had the pleasure to visit with one of the best women I know

 

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Thursday Wisdom #2

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You can travel the world a thousand times over, and eventually you will be seeing the same things… but if you change the WAY in which you look at the world, you will learn more about your self, and the world around you.

Today I urge you to change your perspective about what is going on around you. Are you annoyed by something someone does? Think about their intention, is it there to hurt you? No – then it shouldn’t annoy you, because they’re not out to annoy or hurt you.

 

Jump With Your Eyes Closed

Jump With Your Eyes Closed

It doesn’t come to much of a surprise for those who know me that I can get quite anxious about finances. I like to have a safety net of money, which I like to call “just in case”. I feel like if I have the safety net money around me, then I can do whatever I need to do.

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However, I also need money to spend: on travel, on eventually renting my own place, on a wedding, on moving abroad, on studying and doing a masters abroad, on food and electricity… the list is never ending.

It’s basically impossible for me to scrounge up all that money alone. And today I was speaking with a friend of mine, who made me realise something – that I can lean on my partner. My partner is definitely going to earn more money than I could ever hope for (at least until I do my masters), and they have offered time and again to help pay for my expenses. Which is something  always vehemently opposed. Getting money was my responsibility, they should just focus on their own expenses.

So my friend made me aware of something – that I need to trust my partner to provide for me as well. I am dependent enough of them to rely on them for comfort, for love and support, and I’m taking a big risk to move abroad with them.

 

“So if you’re taking the risk and jumping into the ocean for them, why not let yourself be blindfolded?” 

 

To be blindfolded means that I would really and truly be trusting my partner, that they would provide for me no matter what, that they wouldn’t use me and kick me to the curb. These are all things I know to be true, but I never had the strength to show it in practical terms.

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So this is going to be what I shall work on – I am going to let myself be semi-financially dependent on my partner.

 

I am going to be let myself be blindfolded.

That Damn Writer’s Block

I used to be an avid writer. I wouldn’t say I was ever good at it, mainly because I have the self-esteem of a cotton bud – soft and bendable.

But I always loved writing. I could write for hours, putting thought on paper, inventing stories, being creative. I slowly switched to poetry, which I felt I could be more creative. But even that slowly died out.

Now whenever I think about writing, I get stuck. I can’t even write a letter!

I’m going to try use all the mediums available to me to get past this, and maybe…who knows… but inspiration could strike me again.